By God I Think I Have It. - It's Christmas Time

Oh dear... enter at your own risk!
Fup Duck
Posts: 235
Joined: Sat Aug 15, 2009 8:56 pm
Location: UK

Post by Fup Duck » Tue Nov 16, 2010 9:00 pm

Seems like the ideal time for a reworking of the birth of Christ.

I have some ideas but they can't be published here due to the blasphemy laws - oh well.

Anyone wanna chance their arm? The more surreal the better I say.

or we could start a collective book and see where it goes. You know the sort of thing someone provides a line and others add in.

Let's get a great opening line and see where it goes!

Thinking time................

HMMMMMMMM Basil

jsrevell
Posts: 25
Joined: Mon Oct 20, 2008 4:08 pm
Location: Breadalbane

Post by jsrevell » Wed Nov 17, 2010 11:58 am

It was a dark and stormy night.

Fup Duck
Posts: 235
Joined: Sat Aug 15, 2009 8:56 pm
Location: UK

Post by Fup Duck » Wed Nov 17, 2010 12:33 pm

Oh we are off - I was going to suggest people offering forth the purpose of cats on the planet but this'll do

Classic opening!

and as the General trudged relentlessly through the rain and mud, little did he know that he was being watched by a horde of buck-toothed mammalian eyes

General Flangecustard
Posts: 88
Joined: Wed Jan 14, 2009 7:25 pm
Location: Worcestershire

Post by General Flangecustard » Wed Nov 17, 2010 9:30 pm

Hang on, is this going to be my life story?

Canadian Paddler
Posts: 1480
Joined: Tue May 25, 2004 8:31 am
Location: Peterborough
Contact:

Post by Canadian Paddler » Thu Nov 18, 2010 9:31 am

I will get lost of we do not keep the story together (perhaps that would be a good thing when you consider how warped mots of you are. Good job I am sane. :p
It was a dark and stormy night and as the General trudged relentlessly through the rain and mud, little did he know that he was being watched by a horde of buck-toothed mammalian eyes.


Ignoring the judges he wondered had he missed the start time for his C1 run?
All spelling errors are intentional and are there to show new and improved ways of spelling old words. Grammatical errors are due to too many English classes/teachers.
Old. Fat. Slow. Bad tempered. And those are my good points

Seedy Paddler
Posts: 440
Joined: Wed May 26, 2004 2:00 pm

Post by Seedy Paddler » Thu Nov 18, 2010 9:46 am

However the warmth permeating from the carry-out Duck and Plum sauce nestling under his left arm continued to distract him from any desire to commence race preparations.

Canadian Paddler
Posts: 1480
Joined: Tue May 25, 2004 8:31 am
Location: Peterborough
Contact:

Post by Canadian Paddler » Thu Nov 18, 2010 12:49 pm

Come on Seedy, do not use words you do not understand 'Race preparations' - that is a carry out isnt it? :D


It was a dark and stormy night and as the General trudged relentlessly through the rain and mud, little did he know that he was being watched by a horde of buck-toothed mammalian eyes. Ignoring the judges he wondered had he missed the start time for his C1 run? However the warmth permeating from the carry-out Duck and Plum sauce nestling under his left arm continued to distract him from any desire to commence race preparations.
All spelling errors are intentional and are there to show new and improved ways of spelling old words. Grammatical errors are due to too many English classes/teachers.
Old. Fat. Slow. Bad tempered. And those are my good points

Fup Duck
Posts: 235
Joined: Sat Aug 15, 2009 8:56 pm
Location: UK

Post by Fup Duck » Thu Nov 18, 2010 7:55 pm

A hundred yards away, as if as one, thirty one ducks raised their bills skyward and appeared to sniff through their duck nostrils (Do they have them?) simultaneously. It looked almost planned but surely that couldn't be. The General though didn't have time to dwell as sixty one eyes (as we all know Dwayne Duck lost an eye in the famous inaugaral Frog-Off of 2009 when he caught a exploding amphibian full in the face) turned to face him with the evil fowl stare that can only be associated with Anas platyrhynchos. A shiver of fear ran through him as he realised they had detected the scent of the duck beneath his arm, if only he had asked for a tad more cinnamon, -

4 kg plums, unpeeled, pitted, sliced
240 ml water
200 g sugar
1 tsp cinnamon, ground

Method
Combine plums and water in a large pot or pan. Bring to a boil over medium heat, stirring often. Reduce heat, cover, and bring to a simmer. Cook for about 30 minutes or until plums are soft, stirring often.

Process cooked plums in a blender until smooth (work in batches). Return to pan and add the sugar and cinnamon and bring to a boil.

Fill sterilized jars with sauce, leaving a bit of headspace. Top with lids.

Place jars, slightly apart, in a boiling water. Bring water to a simmer and cook for 15 minutes.

Take jars out of the water and set aside to cool. Store in the refrigerator and use within one month.

- it might have prevented detection.

He began to run...............................

(Sorry I got carried away)

Fup Duck
Posts: 235
Joined: Sat Aug 15, 2009 8:56 pm
Location: UK

Post by Fup Duck » Wed Nov 24, 2010 7:20 pm

The end?

Canadian Paddler
Posts: 1480
Joined: Tue May 25, 2004 8:31 am
Location: Peterborough
Contact:

Post by Canadian Paddler » Wed Nov 24, 2010 10:00 pm

Still trying to get the plums together to make the sauce.

Do you think that bananas would do instead?

And 'er indoors does not seem happy with me using her cinnamon - needs it for the muffins for [ADVERT]Peterborough Winter Slalom 12th December [\ADVERT], so will mustard powder pass?
All spelling errors are intentional and are there to show new and improved ways of spelling old words. Grammatical errors are due to too many English classes/teachers.
Old. Fat. Slow. Bad tempered. And those are my good points

Fup Duck
Posts: 235
Joined: Sat Aug 15, 2009 8:56 pm
Location: UK

Post by Fup Duck » Thu Nov 25, 2010 2:00 pm

Canadian PAddler wrote:Still trying to get the plums together to make the sauce.
I don't know that it matters how your stance is when making the sauce.

You can use bananas but only if wearing pyjamas (sorry still slightly in kids tv mode form previous thread with the General)

I

Fup Duck
Posts: 235
Joined: Sat Aug 15, 2009 8:56 pm
Location: UK

Post by Fup Duck » Thu Nov 25, 2010 2:19 pm

Ooops, slip of a fat finger

I meant to say I have no experience with cinnamon on a duck although I did know a girl once who went by the name of Cinnamon and used a duck costume in her act; it was an exclusive club obviously.

Mustard and duck: why not!

Once after a race I captured a duck and took it back to my hotel, having stopped off on the way to pick up some fishing line, whitebait and mustard.

Back in the privacy of the room, using the fishing line, I tethered the whitebait to the blades of the ceiling fan and rigged a restricting harness to the duck. Using an old shower gel bottle filled with mustard and a drinking straw I fashioned a rudimentary drip and attached this to the duck using duck tape. Having positioned myself face down on the floor with the duck on my back I remotely operated the ceiling fan causing the duck to waddle round in circles after the whitebait; this combined with the drip of the mustard made the duck quite vigourous.
A cheap massage I can tell you! Who needs Deep Heat.

However, I had forgotten to place a do not disturb notice and the maid came in with some fresh towels....bit awkward but the towels came in handy for the excess mustard and duck waste.

No ducks were harmed in the making of this post. Not physically anyway

ps - when should one use duck tape over duct tape - is duct tape past tense?

Canadian Paddler
Posts: 1480
Joined: Tue May 25, 2004 8:31 am
Location: Peterborough
Contact:

Post by Canadian Paddler » Thu Nov 25, 2010 5:07 pm

Use duct tape in restricted headroom
All spelling errors are intentional and are there to show new and improved ways of spelling old words. Grammatical errors are due to too many English classes/teachers.
Old. Fat. Slow. Bad tempered. And those are my good points

Canadian Paddler
Posts: 1480
Joined: Tue May 25, 2004 8:31 am
Location: Peterborough
Contact:

Post by Canadian Paddler » Thu Nov 25, 2010 5:15 pm

It was a dark and stormy night and as the General trudged relentlessly through the rain and mud, little did he know that he was being watched by a horde of buck-toothed mammalian eyes. Ignoring the judges he wondered had he missed the start time for his C1 run? However the warmth permeating from the carry-out Duck and Plum sauce nestling under his left arm continued to distract him from any desire to commence race preparations.
A hundred yards away, as if as one, thirty one ducks raised their bills skyward and appeared to sniff through their duck nostrils (Do they have them?) simultaneously. It looked almost planned but surely that couldn't be. The General though didn't have time to dwell as sixty one eyes (as we all know Dwayne Duck lost an eye in the famous inaugaral Frog-Off of 2009 when he caught a exploding amphibian full in the face) turned to face him with the evil fowl stare that can only be associated with Anas platyrhynchos. A shiver of fear ran through him as he realised they had detected the scent of the duck beneath his arm, if only he had asked for a tad more cinnamon
it might have prevented detection.

He began to run...............................

Unfortunately the pantomime horse costume hindered his progress, and the empty legs of the back half flapped behind him in a way that seemed to annoy the hordes of Aythya, Aix, Anas, Bucephala, and Tadorna that waddled after him.

Strangely he was flying away from ducks that were chasing on foot.

The papier mache horses head was slipping over his eyes, the hooves were tripping him and he was trying to look behind him so he did not notice the Angel of the North until he ran into it and sat down with a thump, seeing stars.

(Well it is a Xmas story so we need angels and stars don't we)
All spelling errors are intentional and are there to show new and improved ways of spelling old words. Grammatical errors are due to too many English classes/teachers.
Old. Fat. Slow. Bad tempered. And those are my good points

Fup Duck
Posts: 235
Joined: Sat Aug 15, 2009 8:56 pm
Location: UK

Post by Fup Duck » Mon Nov 29, 2010 5:31 pm

What's happened to the General?

Post Reply