By God I Think I Have It. - It's Christmas Time

Oh dear... enter at your own risk!
Canadian Paddler
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Location: Peterborough
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Post by Canadian Paddler » Mon Nov 29, 2010 8:45 pm

Must be a General strike in sympathy with the tube 'workers', or is it General Apathy after the ACM?

No he is busy making plum sauce
All spelling errors are intentional and are there to show new and improved ways of spelling old words. Grammatical errors are due to too many English classes/teachers.
Old. Fat. Slow. Bad tempered. And those are my good points

General Flangecustard
Posts: 88
Joined: Wed Jan 14, 2009 7:25 pm
Location: Worcestershire

Post by General Flangecustard » Mon Nov 29, 2010 10:45 pm

Sorry I have been a bit busy. I am not so good at stories, apart from the ones that usually start 'what happened was' or 'it was'nt my fault' . I will chip in when I feel the story needs it though.

Fup Duck
Posts: 235
Joined: Sat Aug 15, 2009 8:56 pm
Location: UK

Post by Fup Duck » Wed Dec 01, 2010 7:20 pm

Canadian PAddler wrote:Unfortunately the pantomime horse costume hindered his progress, and the empty legs of the back half flapped behind him in a way that seemed to annoy the hordes of Aythya, Aix, Anas, Bucephala, and Tadorna that waddled after him.

Strangely he was flying away from ducks that were chasing on foot.

The papier mache horses head was slipping over his eyes, the hooves were tripping him and he was trying to look behind him so he did not notice the Angel of the North until he ran into it and sat down with a thump, seeing stars.
He shook his head quickly, trying to shake off the concussion. As his vision cleared and the ducks waddled in he thought he was for it. He was overdrawn at the bank but he'd never seen this many bills.
Just when he thought he was going to be ducked to death a strange light grew around him, enveloping him in it's warmth and making him squint. He imagined it emanated from the angel but then he heard a voice say "Get up General", a voice of an angel, pure, virginal, (we need a virgin in there too.) Who are you - he heard himself say.
"The Virgin of the South" said the voice.
"Oh come off it" he said there aren't many of them around anymore

Canadian Paddler
Posts: 1429
Joined: Tue May 25, 2004 8:31 am
Location: Peterborough
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Post by Canadian Paddler » Thu Dec 09, 2010 2:23 pm

Unfortunately the pantomime horse costume hindered his progress, and the empty legs of the back half flapped behind him in a way that seemed to annoy the hordes of Aythya, Aix, Anas, Bucephala, and Tadorna that waddled after him.

Strangely he was flying away from ducks that were chasing on foot.

The papier mache horses head was slipping over his eyes, the hooves were tripping him and he was trying to look behind him so he did not notice the Angel of the North until he ran into it and sat down with a thump, seeing stars.
He shook his head quickly, trying to shake off the concussion. As his vision cleared and the ducks waddled in he thought he was for it. He was overdrawn at the bank but he'd never seen this many bills.
Just when he thought he was going to be ducked to death a strange light grew around him, enveloping him in it's warmth and making him squint. He imagined it emanated from the angel but then he heard a voice say "Get up General", a voice of an angel, pure, virginal, (we need a virgin in there too.) Who are you - he heard himself say.
"The Virgin of the South" said the voice.
"Oh come off it" he said there aren't many of them around anymore

"Or at least none as old as you.".
"OK It's a fair cop" said the voice, "actually I run this pub, its 'The Angel' in Zurnez. We have a rowdy group of paddlers here, all 'refreshing' themselves for a paddle"

Our hero was amazed, all visions of ducks disappeared, the friendly paddlers found him some spare kit, and lent him a boat, paddle and helmet.

Soon the cavalcade was rushing to the water, but as our hero is British, he was polite "after you" he kept saying as more an more boats took to the water. Suddenly he realised the river was completely full, not a single canoe could be launched.

"Wow" he thought "this really is a Christmas tale, there is......"
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(Did you see this coming)
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(How is your Swiss Geography?)
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No room at the Inne
All spelling errors are intentional and are there to show new and improved ways of spelling old words. Grammatical errors are due to too many English classes/teachers.
Old. Fat. Slow. Bad tempered. And those are my good points

Fup Duck
Posts: 235
Joined: Sat Aug 15, 2009 8:56 pm
Location: UK

Post by Fup Duck » Thu Dec 09, 2010 5:44 pm

I laughed at the first line and am still laughing at the end. Utter brilliance. I doff my Christmas cap

I need to do some thinking to top that

Fup Duck
Posts: 235
Joined: Sat Aug 15, 2009 8:56 pm
Location: UK

Post by Fup Duck » Mon Dec 13, 2010 6:45 pm

He had no time to ponder further though as materialising in front of him was a man on a camel. “Who are you he said?”
“I am Melchior of Hereford” came the response
To the sound of cloven hooves appeared another camel and it’s rider announced, “I am Caspar of Goodrich.” And let me introduce my friend Balthasar of Ross, for here he comes now

Oh God I can’t believe I’m about to do this.....

“We are the Three Wye Men” they said in unison and we bring gifts.

I bring washing powder said Melchior.
I have coins for operating an electronic postage machine said Caspar and I a cd from an X- Factor contestant said Balthasar

Oh God here we go again

Bold
Franking Cents
and
Murs

Canadian Paddler
Posts: 1429
Joined: Tue May 25, 2004 8:31 am
Location: Peterborough
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Post by Canadian Paddler » Mon Dec 13, 2010 9:33 pm

This is getting worse - Well done!!!
Anyone else want to pervert the english language? :D

General?
All spelling errors are intentional and are there to show new and improved ways of spelling old words. Grammatical errors are due to too many English classes/teachers.
Old. Fat. Slow. Bad tempered. And those are my good points

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